Church

How to handle negative people in the church

The church is full of wonderful people who are gifted kingdom-workers and the harvest is dependent on those workers. But the church is still full of people and any system will have its negative components. If you think of the church in terms of a body then negative people can be either a virus or a bacteria. Viruses often are sifted out on their own terms and not much is required other than time and rest whereas bacteria can only be treated with direct medicine to weed the bacteria out.

Such could be said about negative people. Why are they negative? Sometimes it is their personality. They are just negative because they just do not know how to be positive. They are glass half-empty people. Sometimes it is because something happened to them from a member of the church and now they wish to hold the entire church accountable. Sometimes people have agendas and their utopia-like version of what the church should be is not what it is and they become disgruntled at the work of the church. Sometimes people do not mesh with other people. There are some people who I just do not like yet I will serve them as a brother or sister in Christ.

The blood of Christ is bigger than our nuanced idiosyncrasies.

So how do you handle people who are just so negative? I have some suggestions.

  • Give them space. Sometimes people are just in a funk and (speaking from personal experience) they just do not want to talk to anybody. They need space to work things out themselves and perhaps humble themselves to let the Spirit of Christ dwell within.
  • Love them (1 John 4:20). That scripture is piercing. Before we open our mouths and reveal the character of our heart we better make sure our valves are pumping the love of God.
  • Serve them (1 Pet. 4:10). Find some way to serve them even when things seem most difficult. No need to lie to them but write them a note encouraging them letting them know you are genuinely praying for them.
  • Help restore them (Gal. 6:1). Perhaps they are negative because there is a sin which they have not worked through. This sin has continued to ruin their relationships and that includes the church. Help them work through sin. But to do that you must…
  • Listen to them (James 1:19). Say this aloud while you are reading….SLOW TO SPEAK…SWIFT TO HEAR. Insert two ears one mouth preacher joke here. It is serious though. Listen not only to what they are negative about but what you hear between the lines.
  • Rebuke them (Matt. 18:15-17; 1 Tim. 5:20). Rebuke seems like such a harsh word but the Greek word (ἐπιτιμάω) carries the idea of discouraging someone from further wrong. Sometimes you do not answer a fool according to his folly but then there are times when you must answer a fool according to his folly (Prov. 26-4-5). Do this in love though with all the above suggestions I have given. Don’t stop there though…
  • Forgive them (Eph. 4:32). We all need forgiveness and as much as we have received it we should hand it out as well. Freely you been forgiven freely you shall forgive.

We are supposed to live incarnationally which means our lives should, as best we can with the Spirit, embody Jesus (1 Cor. 11:1). Jesus was patient with negative people but also quick to point them out in their error. We must use our wisdom and the help of others when it comes to negative people.

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Photo Credits: Sean MacEntee on CC

Churches and Ugly Head Trimmer Heads

I have a love-hate relationship with my weed-eater. Actually, I have a hate-hate-hate-hate-sometimes like relationship with my weed eater. I have never been able to string the blasted thing correctly and whenever I would weed-eat inevitably the string would become tangled and I would have to stop the trimmer and take off the head and restring it and start all over again. I did this for about a year.

I thought to myself, there has got to be a better way.

So I went to Lowe’s and looked at trimmer heads and then came something as if it were shipped from the Lord himself…

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You got that right. The “Ugly Head” trimmer head went right on my trimmer and it loads in seconds. The string is more expensive but it supposed to last longer. It seriously was a no-brainer to me.

It got me thinking about the church though…

Why do we put up with something that could work so much more efficiently if we just add something new or take away something old? I put up with that trimmer head for a year (admittedly not controlling my tongue in the process) and didn’t even think to look for a new, relatively inexpensive fit, because, well, I thought it was supposed to work that way.

Why do we not look to other churches, nonprofits, community organizations and businesses to see what works and does not work? I should have asked for help from people who know better than me and I guarantee you the problem would have been solved immediately. I think we know why we don’t ask for outside help…we are prideful. Admitting you don’t know is admitting you don’t know…and Americans (I mean Christians) don’t do that do they?

I learned some lessons about the church and what we should be doing. What are some things you would add?

Is the way we do church sustainable?

I have been thinking of the Church a lot and I am trying to make efforts to listen at what God is doing. I am trying to be obedient to his commands and to not stymie the kingdom of God. As I sit in auditoriums filled with hundreds of people dressed in their “Sunday best” participating in 1-2 hours of worship and class I often have a haunting question that comes over me:

IS THE WAY WE DO CHURCH SUSTAINABLE?

I can’t stop thinking about that question whether it’s listening to sermons, listening to bible classes, reading journals, writing journals, talking with churched folk, talking with unchurched folk, praying, reading Scripture, talking with missional folks….

…or just listening in silence.

I am not sure I have an answer to that question because it depends on where you are at in the way you do church. One thing I am hearing more of is that if the way you do church is about getting people to a building and all ministry, programs and involvement centers around that building then that is unsustainable. Sure you can sustain it by having people pay for the bills, pay for the ministers, and pay for the carpet you argue over but in the end it will mean nothing to the community. Think I am wrong?

I was talking with a church not long ago and they were bragging to me that 60% of their budget is dedicated to foreign mission. Within the same conversation I asked them what they thought they needed to work on and their response floored me: “Honestly Robbie we need to work on having a better influence in our own community.” I didn’t have the brass to say it but I wanted to say, “That’s because all your money is going out of your community and not into it.”

Think about your own church’s budgets. How much is invested into salaries? Probably 50% of your budget. Then you have utilities, insurance, upkeep and all of these other expenses.

At what point do you bless the community?

So I wonder if the way we are doing church is sustainable. Neil Cole has some wisdom:

In today’s Western church culture, there are three consistent roadblocks to church multiplication and reproduction: buildings, budgets, and big shots.

Church 3.0: Upgrades for the Future of the Church, p. 85.

So what do you think? Can we sustain the way we have done church? Do we need to change? How can we? Where can we?

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Photo Credits: James Emery on Creative Commons

McDonald’s Cups and the Church

McDonalds Cup

I went to the back of our van and saw a couple of McDonald’s drink cups in the cup holders where Amelia and Madelyn sit. I lifted the cups up and apparently the soda that was in them had leaked through the bottom of the cup because the cups had been there a couple of days.

Don’t judge…if you don’t have kids you are saying, “How could you do that?” but if you do have kids you are saying, “Amen brotha! Been there, done that!”

Anywho, I thought about how the cup was only designed to keep the soda in it for a period of time and when that time was over it spilled all over the place. In other words the cup has an expiration date on its function.

Then I thought about the church.

I thought about how we keep programs, ministries, outreach events and other things going long after the expiration date is over and what happens is that things, to use the metaphor, start to spill.

Even the ways we do church sometimes lose their function.  Neil Cole points to what I dub the McDonald’s Cup Syndrome (MCS):

For some reason, the church is always the slowest to upgrade. Our conservative religious nature, which borders on superstition, tends to make everything sacred (especially things that are not meant to be so) and therefore untouchable. The result is that the church is often left behind, and soon irrelevant. When a ministry is blessed by God, we consider it His endorsement of the method. Long after the method is out of sync with culture and out of step with any good results, we still consider it God ’s way and keep it going—often for decades or even centuries. Making changes in the church is often considered heretical and blasphemous. The sound of the eight lethal words of church management still echo in the boardrooms of the Western churches: “But we’ve never done it that way before.”

Neil Cole, Church 3.0: Upgrades for the Future of the Church, (p. 4).

Let that sink in a little bit. Our churches are filled with those 8 lethal words but I think I have identified the source…

MCS…

McDonald’s Cup Syndrome.

What are your thoughts? In what areas do we have MCS in our churches?

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Photo Credits: Olgierd Rudak on Creative Commons

The Deadly 8 Words

But we’ve never done it that way before!

Those words will absolutely spank your ministry and your churches. I am not talking just some ordinary slap on the knee I am talking a go outside and get a branch from the tree type of spanking. I am reading a book by Neil Cole called Church 3.0 that is phenomenal. I am just in chapter three but already Neil is reshaping how I view church which is synergistic with some conversations I have had with people in the past 8 months. Read this quote from his book:

For some reason, the church is always the slowest to upgrade. Our conservative religious nature, which borders on superstition, tends to make everything sacred (especially things that are not meant to be so) and therefore untouchable. The result is that the church is often left behind, and soon irrelevant. When a ministry is blessed by God, we consider it His endorsement of the method. Long after the method is out of sync with culture and out of step with any good results, we still consider it God ’s way and keep it going—often for decades or even centuries. Making changes in the church is often considered heretical and blasphemous. The sound of the eight lethal words of church management still echo in the boardrooms of the Western churches: “But we’ve never done it that way before.”

Cole, Neil (2010-01-22). Church 3.0: Upgrades for the Future of the Church (Jossey-Bass Leadership Network Series) (p. 4). John Wiley and Sons. Kindle Edition.

So the question I have for you is this: What are you holding onto in your ministry that God is no longer blessing? What are some things in your ministry that need upgrade?

But we’ve never done it that way before?

Which is why your church is not multiplying.

Think about those 8 words and think about what needs changing.

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Photo Credits: Jon Jordan on Creative Commons

“NT Christianity Practiced Here”…and that’s it.

How do you feel about church signs? If you ever get the chance go and peruse Matthew Paul Turner’s blog which used to be called “Jesus needs new PR.” On that blog he often shares church signs that I think Jesus would be ashamed of and so goes his thrust, Jesus needs new PR. I passed one of those signs in Springfield early Monday morning. If you think about it, the church sign is probably designed to get people to think and hopefully they will come in to the building and worship and place membership all because of a clever, cute church sign. When you interview people I am not sure how many will check the box that says “you showed up to worship services because of our sign.”

Back to the sign I saw Monday morning. It read in ALL CAPS:

NT CHRISTIANITY PRACTICED HERE…

I do not want to offend the church but as someone who has a background in the Churches of Christ and currently serves a Church of Christ I understood at least what they implied. Yet, I felt myself drawn to the slogan, “Jesus needs new PR.” Why? I would add to the church sign, “NT Christianity practiced here…and that’s it.” The idea is about as anti-missional as it gets. The sign says…

  • Come to the building to meet Jesus
  • This is the only place where NT Christianity is practiced
  • Come and we will “teach” you
  • Come
  • Come
  • Come
  • Come

Do you see what I am getting at? I am not opposed to the NT church what I am struggling with is how we perceive Christianity to be practiced at a set location and that’s it. If we are supposed to be about scattering disciples wouldn’t a more appropriate sign read, “Look for the church that serves among you” or something along those lines? We are commanded to “go” and yet many of our churches are designed to only reach a select group of people. Below is a video from the Verge Network with Alan Hirsch discussing the DNA of movements. He talks about a statistic that I think will floor you.

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Photo Credits: Lakewentworth on Creative Commons

How to not lose your sanity before church services on Sundays

I may be the only one who experiences this but our pre-church service routine on Sunday mornings is similar to battlefield scenarios in war situations. There are strategies to do just about everything that needs to get done. One of the following seems to happen to at least one of our children on Sunday mornings:

  • Pop-Tarts are smeared on their clothes
  • One of the girls takes a bow out of their hair (I know…first world issues)
  • Screaming
  • Stomping
  • Yelling
  • Arguing
  • Falling asleep in the three mile stretch from home to church building
  • Forgetting a child at home…just kidding

Church services should at the least be something the family looks forward to. Church services should be something every family needs to start their week. So why do we lose it so much? Why does it seem we drag our kids (and ourselves) to the building only to pretend to be excited to be there but secretly longing for the bed, TV or a combination of the two? There is probably not an easy answer to those difficult questions but I have a few suggestions for you to make the most out of your Sundays…

#1 Start early

This may seem like a no-brainer to most but start early. Wake-up with plenty of time to get things done. For you list-makers, start with the most important thing and then work your way down. It’s hard to start early which leads me to the next suggestion….

#2 Go to bed at a decent time Saturday night

You can’t always do it and I admire those of you who go to sleep at 2am and still come to services. Seriously, go to bed at a decent time to make the most out of Sunday. If you need energy to work, exercise or play you also need energy to worship.

#3 Husbands, help out.

The little things count men. I have been horrible at this and the reason why Sunday mornings are chaotic in our family is that I have not contributed like I should. So I try to get things done on Fridays so I don’t have to go into the office Sunday morning. If I do go into the office on Sunday morning it is at the last minute, only when I have helped get the kiddos dressed, fed and on their way. Help out husbands!

#4 Go out to breakfast as a family once in a while…

That would require you to execute numbers 1-2 but if you wake-up early enough then try to mix things up. Take them to Waffle House, Shoney’s, McDonald’s, Panera Bread or to the local diner. Mix things up and add some flavor into your routine.

#5 Keep things in perspective

Most of our chaos on Sunday mornings are not real problems. They are real in the sense that your teenager does not want to go to services, your hair-dryer broke, that outfit makes you look fat and you forgot to put gas in the tank. Those are real issues but in the grand scheme of things they are not real issues. Most of us get to choose to go to services or to stay home. You can always stay home. Nobody is forcing you to go. If you feel like you “have” to go to services and your family hates it then now is the time to start questioning your motives. Keep things in perspective and try not to let the little problems be “big problems.”

Hidden Agendas

But there was a man named Simon, who had previously practiced magic in the city and amazed the people of Samaria, saying that he himself was somebody great. 10 They all paid attention to him, from the least to the greatest, saying, “This man is the power of God that is called Great.” 11 And they paid attention to him because for a long time he had amazed them with his magic. 12 But when they believed Philip as he preached good news about the kingdom of God and the name of Jesus Christ, they were baptized, both men and women. 13 Even Simon himself believed, and after being baptized he continued with Philip. And seeing signs and great miracles performed, he was amazed. 14 Now when the apostles at Jerusalem heard that Samaria had received the word of God, they sent to them Peter and John, 15 who came down and prayed for them that they might receive the Holy Spirit, 16 for he had not yet fallen on any of them, but they had only been baptized in the name of the Lord Jesus. 17 Then they laid their hands on them and they received the Holy Spirit. 18 Now when Simon saw that the Spirit was given through the laying on of the apostles’ hands, he offered them money, 19 saying, “Give me this power also, so that anyone on whom I lay my hands may receive the Holy Spirit.”

- Acts 8:9-19

I love how Scripture has a way of telling you something in a way that nothing else can. Simon the Sorcerer (not hat’s not his last name) was a character the apostles encountered early in their post-Jesus ministry. No doubt the church started with a bang (see Acts 2) and things were on an exciting level. I notice that when excitement comes there is a tendency to veer off mission and vision in order to keep excitement going. Simon is just an example of many who probably felt the way he did but simply did not voice it. I think Simon struggled with pride and greed and his hidden agenda for the Spirit of God was, like Babel in Genesis 11, an issue of making a name for himself. I love Luke’s language as he says that he told people “he was somebody great.” When true power came (another discussion might be that the apostles never discarded that the magic was fake) he wanted it but perhaps masked his desire to follow Jesus with a hidden agenda. He simply wanted the power. He was selfish. Go figure. In walks every human being to have ever lived. There is a lot to unpack here but for the sake of time and space I want to quickly think about hidden agendas.

Have you ever gone to a meeting thinking you were going to go discuss business matters only to be surprised by a hidden agenda you were not privy to? Or what about relationships where people only talk to you when they need something done or they want to use what you are good at to leverage power, prestige or notoriety in their direction? Hidden agendas creep in relationships which means they creep in churches. Ministers have hidden agendas, elders have hidden agendas, parents in youth ministry have their own agendas. The problem is that when there are all of these hidden agendas it blinds us from keeping our eyes fixed on what is most important: kingdom. A side issue with hidden agendas is that we are not open and honest with people enough to wear we can talk with them in dialogue. Why not disclose your agenda and let people who are wise handle it?

Hidden agendas affect your vision like cancer affects the body. Slow… methodical… poisonous…and always lethal if untreated. A way to get rid of hidden agendas is to have a leadership buy-in to a vision that is so Christocentric and God-honoring that any issue, qualm or quarrel can be avoided simply by saying, “That is not our vision.” When people adopt a specific vision then their hidden agenda becomes part of the churches overall agenda. They secretly are doing what they can to adopt the vision of the church. This will avoid that diplomatic elder or that pessimistic “money-holder” or that youth minister who is secretive about introducing “new things” without church approval.

Get a vision…

Make it clear…

Make it specific…

Make it accessible…

Make it doable…

Stick to it!

What do you think?

Book Review: Deep and Wide by Andy Stanley

I have rarely read a book that has probed my heart as much this one did. There are two groups who need to read this book: Elders and Ministers. This has to be read if a church wants to move from irrelevancy to relevancy. Yet, he challenges us because typically when we hear the word “relevant” we automatically think “unbiblical” or “conformist.” In this book you will be surprised by and even comforted by Andy’s challenges for us to be relevant AND biblical. Some pros and cons and some of my favorite quotes.

PROS

  • Innovative
  • Systems thinking
  • Looks at vision as template instead of programs/models
  • Immensely practical
  • Uses biblical wisdom
  • Tells his background to give you context
  • Seeks for each to look at his model and adapt instead of adopt.

CONS

  • He pushes the envelope and for many this is too much for them. I see it as a con only in the sense of how the reader may take this. I also see this as a pro.
  • Preaching method will make purists cringe. He rarely preaches expository sermons and will only use a verse or two if necessary. Keep in mind that this is too accomplish his the church’s vision of being a church for the unchurched.

Quotes

  • As leaders, we are never responsible for filling anyone else’s cup. Our responsibility is to empty ours.
  • I think every church should be a church irreligious people love to attend. Why? Because the church is the local expression of the presence of Jesus. We are his body. And since people who were nothing like Jesus liked Jesus, people who are nothing like Jesus should like us as well.
  • We don’t grade ourselves on size. We grade ourselves on how attractive we are to our target audience.
  • The tragedy is that what comes to mind when the average person thinks of church is such a far cry from what actually took place in the era in which the church was born. In the beginning, the church was a gloriously messy movement with a laser-focused message and a global mission.
  • It’s a shame that so many churches are married to a designed-by-Christians-for-Christians-only culture. A culture in which they talk about the Great Commission, sing songs about the Great Commission, but refuse to reorganize their churches around the Great Commission. These are often the same churches where members talk about grace, sing about how “amazing” it is, but create graceless cultures where only those who play by the rules feel welcomed.
  • Every innovation has an expiration date. At some point, new isn’t new anymore, regardless of what the package says. Eventually, new ideas feel like yesterday’s news. Bread is not the only thing that gets stale over time. Every new and innovative approach to ministry has an expiration date as well. Every single one. Nothing is irresistible or relevant forever. That should unnerve you a bit.
  • When people start with the, “Don’t preachers only work one day a week?” I have a good comeback. Feel free to use it. I say, “Think for a minute about the most stressful part of your job, the part that is the make-or-break for you financially. Imagine having to do that every week on a stage in front of your family, friends, strangers, and people who don’t particularly like you. Imagine not having the option to call in sick or reschedule because you weren’t quite ready for the presentation.” End of conversation.
  • Some of my favorite messages are the ones where I open up with a statement that makes everybody uncomfortable. Create tension and you’ve created interest. Iron out all the tension and you will eliminate interest.
  • The longer you’ve served where you are and the longer you’ve done what you are currently doing, the more difficult it will be for you to see your environments with the objectivity needed to make the changes that need to be made. The shorter version: Time in erodes awareness of.
  • People are far more interested in what works than what’s true. I hate to burst your bubble, but virtually nobody in your church is on a truth quest. Including your spouse. They are on happiness quests. As long as you are dishing out truth with no here’s the difference it will make tacked on the end, you will be perceived as irrelevant by most of the people in your church, student ministry, or home Bible study. You may be spot-on theologically, like the teachers of the law in Jesus’ day, but you will not be perceived as one who teaches with authority. Worse, nobody is going to want to listen to you.
  • The church needs leaders who are willing to do whatever is necessary to ensure that we hand it off to the next generation in better shape than we found it.
  • The actual mission of many churches is Pay the Bills. No, you won’t find that written anywhere. But let’s be honest, most local churches don’t feel any urgency about anything until the money starts running out. Then suddenly they are concerned about “reaching people.” That’s when they start talking about how to attract young couples. A church can go for years and baptize nobody but children and no one is concerned. A church can go for a decade without a single profession of faith and nobody calls a special meeting. But miss budget for three or four months running? Suddenly everybody’s concerned. They’re talking about change. But not because they’ve had an encounter with God. Oh no. It was their encounter with an Excel spreadsheet that drove ‘em to their knees. Then, to add divine insult to injury, once the financial crisis passes, everything goes back to the way it was. The tragic truth is, most churches in the United States won’t change until finances force them to.

Multiply Movement – David Platt and Francis Chan

I talked with a friend at the YMCA this morning and he told me about this new project his church is doing. He said that discipleship has been on their minds for some time and they discovered this new effort where David Platt (wrote Radical) and Francis Chan (wrote Crazy Love and Erasing Hell) are collaborating to help churches be better disciples. It’s called Multiply Movement (http://multiplymovement.com/).

Multiply Movement

The tag line is simple:

“A simple, practical, biblical, helpful, and personal tool for disciples of Jesus who want to make disciples of Jesus.”

I think this is something that can be a game-changer for your church and just might be the help you need to get things… moving. Watch one of the videos below.

Francis Chan and David Platt talk discipleship